| My husband and I: separated for almost 6 months now, but seeing each other sometimes now, a couple of times a week, for the past couple of months.Platonic and not platonic.I draw him in close then push him away. It's so neurotic.I love him.I'm confused, really torn, not knowing if I should move on or go back.I'm in limbo, the woman, that pillar of salt, frozen in time.Could we ever really work together, be good together, and if not, is it entirely because of me, or is it because we are incompatible, because with him I may never be living my own life.Terrified of being alone. I feel hollow when I'm alone, like I don't exist, insubstantial, like a see-through person, gauze, you could slice a samurai sward through me as you might wave a bubble wand, and I would fall apart, divided.We had an argument tonight, won't get into it here online.I'm afraid, feel guilty, don't want to let him go, not sure what to do.What if I am incapable of making a decision?Is it just me? Am I fundamentally crazy?I need someone to just tell me what to do. |
