Sisyphus Journals- The Pavilion- October 28, 2009
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Mailed off 4 copies of The Pavilion today. So, it's been sent to:The WalrusAGNI Magazine (based out of Boston USA) Event (even though they've never given me the time of day) and sub-Terrain (who has often given me the time of day, hey, thanks you guys you're cool)And sent some poetry to ARC.Have about 4 submissions, other essays, pending, haven't yet heard back.Have applied for the big grant; we'll see. That grant, if they give me the grant, will change my life, will be able to move on into my own place, or to Montreal I that's the route I choose, could live comfortably focusing on writing for about 6 months (but I'd work too).So, now that I lay it out this way, I guess I have a few things going right now. Maybe something good will come of it. Gotta try.Now, at Serious Coffee in the Village, am procrastinating, but will in a moment begin work on the Basho integrated poems, for the CBC Lit deadline. (gotta try, yeah, again).Paper cut on corner of my mouth from yesterday has healed; the sting is gone.Note to self, things to do, because I must retain good behavioural habit, along with (what did he say?), oh, Realistic thinking and Problem Solving. I find the realistic thinking the most difficult, tend to amplify both ends of the spectrum, utterly idealistic and impossible self-expectations at one end, setting out accordingly...I actually believe I can do anything....then the plummet at the other end of the spectrum, when I cannot meet my own ridiculous standards, and so I fall and fall into that pit of pain, self-loathing, depression, and paralysis.So yeah, things to do:-Water the purple heather, tulips and those other flowers I can't remember the name of, the ones I planted along the side of the house, up from my door.-Vacuum (borrow Ss vacuum)-hang that fruit basket and the other basket-fold the laundry I grabbed out of the drier and tossed on the bed this morning-look up NYC Writing retreats etc, or Virginia Center for the Arts (contact George) -eat something -Indulge in my own precarious fantasies about the good doctor...but remember the neighbourhood.
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